Self-Reflection + Self-Chastisement = Be Friggin Grateful Chick!!!

Yeah, I definitely have absolutely no business blogging right now, for the exact reasons that I am about to blog about….but.  I was gonna talk about it some more on facebook anyways so I figured I might as well just come on here and elaborate.  Plus, I really need the therapeutic typing right now before I start to hyperventilate….

Yall.  I am ridiculously stressed.  No.  So far passed stressed right now….I am like going crazy over this Peds Rotation!  To some of my fellow med students this might sound crazy, BUT when it’s what you want to specialize in…and you’re working at the hospital you actually want to be at postgrad…and you know you have to pretty much bend over backwards to impress these peeps so that they’ll give you the time of day come interview/match time, it gets to be a bit much.  Pile on top of that the fact there are tons of assignments due and the ALL important shelf that yours truly is FAR from being ready for…it’s pretty much a set up for a nervous breakdown if things aren’t kept under control.  I am exhausted.  I’m drained.  I’m behind in EVERYTHING.  I have so many things due.  The next 12 days/night for me are pretty much gonna be sleepless…and pretty close to hell.  Yeah…that sounds about right. And because of all this stressing, I honestly believe that my better judgement has been affected.  Like, I’m making very stupid decisions that I shouldn’t be making, making stupid mistakes when I know better….*SIGH* It’s just…. a lot.

Then.

In the midst of my pseudo-breakdown driving home, I come across a very serious car accident, just minutes away from my house.  And immediately realize:  I have got to be one of THE most ungrateful persons.  Seeing that accident literally snapped me back into good sense (I’m still stressed though…).  “What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” –Psalm 8:4.  Who am I to have been spared from having an accident myself?  I’m here complaining about how “bad” I have it because I have the opportunity to be in Med school, because I am able to go to one of the best children’s hospitals in the country and just…learn.  That’s it.  Just learn!!!  And yet still I’m messing it up.  And complaining about being tired…and drained.  When there are people out there that would KILL to have the opportunity to feel this type of stressed, to be this tired and this drained, knowing that it meant having the privilege of being in medical school.

God is good!  He’s great!  He’s AMAZING!  I asked for this!  And He gave it to me.  And what’s more, He brought me here and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he will keep me here and even further, bring me through.  No matter how many foolish mistakes I make while He’s trying to UPGRADE me (and that in itself is a WHOLE other blog…), He never gives up on me or leaves me.  I just pretty much need to SUCK IT UP!  Yeah I’m gonna be tired, yeah I’m gonna have draining and exhausting days that turn into sleepless nights.  But this is what I ASKED FOR.  And while God will give you the desires of your heart, he will also never give you more than you can handle…

So I will be grateful to Him for the stress.  For the tiredness.  For the exhaustion.  For the victory that awaits once I continue to give my UTMOST and submit it all over to him.  And with that.  Stay grateful yall.  I’m about to go make my FATHER proud….

BE GRATEFUL!!!  Cuz there’s ALWAYS someone out there that’s worse off than you are….

Love and God Bless,

– T

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