**Nighttime Thoughts/Matters of the Heart**

So yeah, kinda had some thoughts floating around in my mind that I needed to get out…but I didn’t really know who I could talk to right now that would be a neutral party and just sit there and listen without being biased or looking at me like I’m crazy.  Soooo….figured I’d take to my blog.

Now all/some/none of these random thoughts have to do with me right now or in the past; they may be things that I may have personally gone through or experienced through my close friends.  Just need to get this out….yeah it’s gonna be pretty random ramblings so bear with me…or just don’t continue reading if you already know you’re gonna get annoyed.  Love you all lol.  But  #imjustsayin

How do you deal with matters of the heart?  I mean, not just stuff like being in love but things that lead up to that even?  The tangled web that sometimes comes into existence when dealing with friendship, like, infatuation, and love?  True Love?  Like …

How do you handle having someone in your life that loves you and would do anything for you and would probably love you unconditionally, but you’re just not attracted to them?  Wonderful person, great friend, but you just couldn’t see yourself being God-orchestrated lovers?  Or the opposite….

What if there’s someone for whom you care deeply , for whom you constantly show your love, always going out of your way to make them feel loved and special without being asked and without reciprocity, knowing that they just won’t give you the time of day outside of being “just friends”?  How do you deal with that?

How do you face the fact that the person you love is just not the best for you?  The one that has become your best friend, an awesome counterpart, and the one you envision spending your life with…how can you be completely honest and frank with yourself and realize that they are just not good for you?  That the person you thought they were they just haven’t been able to live up to?  That although you see in them all the potential in the world, you just can’t change them or make them change for you because you’d be risking their possible resentment…Or the other way around?

You know that the one you love so deeply is also the one that you’re bad for, and you see them changing for the worst as you’ve gotten closer?  Should you be selfish and hold on to them because you love them and they love you?  Or should you be selfless and allow them to be the best that they can be, even if that means being without you for now…or forever?  How do you handle that?

How do you not sabotage your own relationship?  You’re happily in love, a feeling you’re not used to so you’re thinking it’s too good to be true.  You’ve been hurt before and you don’t want to be hurt again.  Although in your heart you feel that this relationship and its feelings are real…the logical part of your being won’t allow you to forget what’s happened before?  Should you go all in, risking heartbreak for the potential reward of a happily ever after?  Or fold under the cloudiness of doubt and fear because of what other cats have done?  Or on the other hand…

What if you’ve been the one doing the hurting?  You’ve played the field and  broken hearts…some intentionally, some not so much.  But now you’re ready to hand in your playa card.  You’re ready to settle down.  And the one you desire won’t open their heart to you because they know you too well?  How do you get them to trust you…..  And let’s add one more side to this story…

You’re the one the retired playa is trying to love.  How do you let your guard down while still protecting your heart?  Although you’re attracted to them and adore them as an individual, you know them….and that may be a blessing and a curse.  You know the good…the bad…the ugly, and aren’t sure that you can trust them…

How.  Do. You. Deal?

Just my nighttime thoughts…

Love and God Bless,

– T

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